someone threw a dead crab at me
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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