Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
