I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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