Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
