Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
