Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
