1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
