Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
