Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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