you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
