Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
