He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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