I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
