So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
