Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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