you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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