i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
