I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize