hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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