Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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