I look better un-naked...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
