Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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