Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
