I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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