his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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