I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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