I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
