My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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