Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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