what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
