I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
