Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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