I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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