so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
