i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
