I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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