I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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