hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
