I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
