It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize