you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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