I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
