dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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