did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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