hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Randomize
