dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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