ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
