true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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