I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
