I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
