can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
