If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
