You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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