Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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