someone get that fucking seahorse.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
