My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize