Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
