Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize