how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
