Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
are you so shy because you have an std?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
