Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
