You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
