I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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