She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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