When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
