cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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