I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
