My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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