i think my mom watched the whole time
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
