Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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