Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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