Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
