So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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